Midnight Pearl

Nothing going on. I miss a certain raccoon and he has not replied to my email so I hope maybe he will talk to me one way or another because of this. Just wishful thinking I'm sure. I worry about you mr. raccoon and miss you muches. Please write me or something.

As for life...it is sucking. No work, no car, no nothing. I feel trapped and I don't like it. Tootie is being adorable today and the other day weather was loving on me and it was so nice. I like watching kids...I just wish I could make a real living off of it. It isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life at all...I got to get into people's heads and figure them out...especially girls. Man I hate girls a lot lately. So stupid with their pathetic need for drama, love, attention, blah...yes I know that I am a girl and I am not even happy with myself lately. I really don't care for females at all. I guess that's really sad though cause most of my friends are girls and stuff. It's good that I work for my friends and that I have a roommate or else I would never leave my apartment. I've gotten to the point where I really enjoy being alone. I would much rather be in a house than somewhere public...and I hate the phone anymore. It is sad because I have very close friends that the only way to keep in touch with them is the phone. Sorry Justin. I just hate the fact that I can take my phone anywhere and no matter where I go someone can get ahold of me or track me down. I feel bad if I just don't answer or if I turn it off...yesterday though I didn't care. I had it off all day almost. it was nice. I slept until I wasn't tired anymore (until about 4 pm) and then I watched a movie, uninturrupted. I'm growing weird. I don't know what it is. I'm trying to turn into a hermit. not on purpose...but it's happening. What's really weird is that my biggest fear has always been ending up alone. Right now, that's what I would rather be. I know why...I don't want to hurt...and being around people, caring for them, it is setting yourself up for a fall. Like I said it isn't intentional...I still spend lots of time around my friends...but I think that that is where my feelings of wanting to be alone come from. who knows. This post was nothing. Just brain ramblings. Ignore. :)

I think maybe there is something wrong with me...only a little though. I watched House of 1000 Corpses last night and I laughed through most of it. It was twisted, yes, and I found it hilarious. Things are ok. Mr. Stozzy and I had a nice conversation with bob last night and it was extremely funny. Very awesome. I ended up staying the night here at Saint and Stozzy's for the hell of it. I couldn't have gone home until 3:00 anyway cause he had the car until then (sorry wickkett). Waking up to a Tootie sitting on you trying to get you up isn't the greatest thing in the world but it wasn't horrible either. We went to the park today and road the train and it was fun. Nothing really new is happening. That's that.

Things are going alright. well for the most part. Went and played pool with Saint the other day, ran into two old friends and that was awesome...got whistled at by an attractive boy and that is always awesome...nothing much else though. Car finally gave out...well not entirely but I think enoiugh for me to just scrap it and drive mom's elite or something until I can get wickkett's parents car. The past couple of days haven't been so wonderful. I'm sorry...you know if I'm talking to you. I'm still looking for a job. well...I haven't really been looking but I will start soon cause it doesn't seem like Dad has any work for me. Braums is hiring...fast food here I come! oh well. I should just become an exotic dancer or something. hahaha...riiight. I'll just start giving blow jobs to ladies with retractable penii...25 cent! any takers? ;)

Cheese Test: What type of cheese are you?

woah woah woah. nothing. I changed a tire today wearing white! I managed to get no nastiness on my clothes! How exciting! Tomorrow...tomorrow I am free. No babysitting. I get to clean my nasty bathroom. We are talking...ugh...it is gross. I can't wait. Nothing really going on. played some cards last night and lost...so sorry saint...it was my fault entirely. I was no good. Bad thing is...we lost to two cocky penii. But one of them is cute so it wasn't so bad ;). Anyway that is all.

Ahh...the end of the day. Tootie has yet to fall asleep. She has been on one today. Trying her limits. Weather was happy and actually ate some food. This weekend was awesome. Friday I got drizzunk and that is always fun. Saturday was bingo and that was awesome...except for we didn't win anything. Sunday was awesome. I went to the ville of faye and had a grand time with the ASMS folks. I definately need to go back and chill with the Bufford. Good times. Last night...after the ville...I headed to Saints and it was hilarious to see Mr. stozzy all drizzunk and bad...not to mention cockspit. Cockspit kind of pissed me off...but it was no big deal. Well...yeah that was the weekend and it rocked.

I have to say that I love Weather's new blue's clues DVD. Weather likes it too. He was sitting there giggling his ass off while they sang their little school time songs. too cute! I was excited to find out that both wickkett and the muse also found weather's Paul mccartney movie fucked up. I'm not alone. Things have been much better for me lately. It could be because the PMS is over for the month or it could be because I got my meds, or maybe a combination of both. Either way I am feeling better. IT is hotter than a wiches cooter outside today. Absolutely fucking miserable. I know that by the time August comes around though, I will be wishing for this weather back. Alright...just so you know, Blue's favorite part of school is circle time. I thought you would all like to know.

Nothing really interesting happening. I called a lot of people last night that I haven't talked to in months. It was kinda nice talking to some of them. Went to lunch today with MIss Saint and a friend of hers. It was nice. Red Lobster is always nice though. Then I got to hang out with...we'll call her Ditzy cause she is worse than even I am...and I am bad. I haven't seen ditzy in months so it was cool to hang out for a while. I'm really excited about hardcore bingo night this weekend. It will be a blast. I also hope to take mom to the movies and go to The ville to see Justin. It will be busy but fun if I can fit it all in. I just finished reading an email from Aaron's mom. Yes, she emailed me...but only because I, in a state of extreme weakness, emailed her first. I wanted to know how he was...but I didn't want to talk to him...so I emailed her. Turns out he is fine. I'm an idiot. anyway...now I am watching a new movie weather got. Wickkett hasn't seen it yet and I am curious to find out what she thinks about it. It is a collection of short cartoons written and produced, I think, by Paul and Linda McCartney. They are animal cartoons and in the first one there aren't many lines but one of them is a bear talking about how aweful it is that someone would want to eat these poor animals. I had to laugh cause I was munching on a piece of cow at the time. They are interesting cartoons really. I think the McCartney's really like frogs though. The music is good at least. TTFN.

No more Neurotic Tendencies. I quit today. We will call them personal reasons. I need to start looking for a new job. I was thinking that maybe I will work with my dad or something. I like to make things and he does construction. I could get buff! I don't know. Maybe I will just go work some fast food place or something. I think that working at a place like McDonalds is an important workplace staple in a young persons life. A good experience to have. I don't know if that belief is strong enough for me to go and work at one though. No, probably not. I forgot to write about the funniest thing tootie did yesterday. We were watching TV and she was wanting to sit in my lap and right before she sits down she says "wait, I have to pull these out of my tush" and she yanked at her panties. I cracked up. She was so serious when she said it. Imagine a three year old saying "I have to pull these out of my tush". ha. It still makes me laugh.

I finally got a day off on sunday. It was wonderful I went to bed Friday night at 10:30 and didn't wake up until saturday at 10:30...twelve beautiful hours of sleep. Then I got to clean and relax. Went to the park with Hendeo and SpiderAsh. It was fun. I was gonna go see mom but decided to take a lil nap...fell asleep at 7 and forgot to set an alarm and ended up sleeping until 3 the next morning. That was Monday morning. At 8 I had to be at Neurotic Tendencies (the name of the wedding buisness I work at, thanks mom) I worked 8-5 no break...no lunch, no cigarette, nothing but working with brides-tp-be and their mothers and grandmothers. It was hell. Then I had to watch Weather for a little bit and by the end of the day I was tired....so very tired. I woke up feeling way shittier than I did yesterday. Called in sick to work and actually got to pick up my meds and pay some bills. Tootie is still a bit sickly but not bad. I know I must have coughed like crazy in my sleep. My stomach muscles are killing me. I also got to see The Prisoner of Azkaban last Saturday and I have one word to say...ASS. If you've read the book don't bother watching the movie cause it will just be upsetting. If you haven't read the books then you should watch the movie cause I think it isn't that bad if you don't know what is supposed to be going on. This weekend Miss Saint, Wickkett, Saint's cousin, and someone else I think are going to play bingo. Saint asked if I cared if cockspits new gf went. Those who know please listen close...it was just an interest...a crush...no obsession or anything. Sure, I would have enjoyed a date or two to see where things could have gone...just like I would with a few other people...but it wasn't a big deal. ok...haveta go to wickkett's. byebye

At the Wickkett's house and decided to update. Denice and Michael are here. It is nice. I have missed them. Hendeo is in town! Happy Happy joy joy!!! I got to eat dinner with her family last night and we made homemade stawberry ice cream that coated your mouth with cream it was so creamy. We messed up quite a bit though when making it...it still tasted yummy. Dad fried a turkey yesterday afternoon and it was yummmy as ever. Good food is good times. There was lots of good food yesterday. Time to go running. I also got back in touch with an old friend of mine, we will call him composer. It is nice talking to him. Kinda weird. Long story involved. It's weird though cause he lives in the apts. across the street from Wickkett's and I never knew. I like being in touch with old friend. I don't like when friends go away. Also I watched this really great movie called Kalifornia with Brad Pitt and David D....x files molder (I can't spell)...and it is awesome. Awesome because of Pitt's character. Hilarious really. Everyone should watch it. House guests...work...Hendeo...business. Life.