Midnight Pearl

I got my ring back today from Aaron. It kinda tore the wound open again. It's been hurting a bit lately but today...today was definately the worse. I never wanted to see this thing again. I wish he could have just kept it.

The only interesting thing to happen lately was this past weekend. I went to Conway to visit the folks at Hendrix and UCA and had a blast. We ventured to a gay club...my first club experience and it was wonderful. Same sex couples everywhere enjoying themselves, making out, and just having fun along side opposite sex couples...it was nice. Music was aweful though. My straight friend had a birthday and got a free drink from the bar at midnight, got hit on, and got to put money in the pretty male bartender's leopard print speedo. Penises on the TV's, pictures of hott boys on the walls, gay porn, bad music, boys making out with boys, and dikes dancing on tables in their camo pants and sports bras...really a great environment. With that image in your minds I leave you for rest.

try the other web site too...click the link, go to the meat locker and start with milkman dan and Karen comics...they are great. I really like Earl too. It is for those with a...different sense of humor. :)

i should probably mention that to get to the clips on the ill will press page you follow the cartoons link.

hey. ummm....check out that site over there...the new one. Ill Will Press. Watch the small, medium, tall video and the dating advice...and the diet one...those are the best so far...the suicide one is great too...take my advice...go.


Tomorrow the Vamps take more of my blood. I think this will be the last time though. I have to have one of them dumb women check ups now...soon that is...i don't think i will schedule it...i don't want one.


Should have an apt. soon. Nothing is happening...nothing important. That's all. :)

Happy 4/20. Nothing really happening...babysitting weather for wickkett. I'm going to get an apt. tomorrow I think. might have a roommate...don't know yet. That's about all.

yesterday I was molested with a curling iron, fingered, probed, stuck with a needle, nearly anally raped by a car mechanic, and annally raped by the pharmacy. The world was out to get me! THEN...I had to go and play cards with Pugs, Wickkett, and Miss Saint. I told you! OUT TO GET ME!

I guess I will post it here so you all know and I don't have to tell it fifty times. I lost the baby. I started spotting and cramping last night and blood only got brighter and the cramping turned into contractions. I went to the ER and went to the bathroom and there it happened. It was weird feeling and I looked and there was my little baby with two arms and two legs and two eyes and a mouth and...yeah. I'm doing okay now...kind of in shock and disbelief. On pain medication. I never ever want to go through that again...i think its time to get my uteris taken out.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down
what it says:
"...feet, Harry retreated farther as the dementor bore down upon him,..."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
my new pants

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
SNL

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is
5:00

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
4:59

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
the shower and my sister and mom talking

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
hours ago...taking the dog out to pee

8: before you read this, what did you look at online?:
Searching for stuff on cramping and bleeding during pregnancy...it is still happening.

9: what are you wearing?:
pants with holes in the crotch and my sr. year t-shirt...haven't gotten out of my night clothes yet.

10: Did you dream last night?:
yes...you dream everynight...don't ask me what about...i dont remember

11: When did you last laugh?:
Just now

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
N'sync poster, tye dyed peace sign wall thing, picture of a girla nd a cat, more N' sync, eminem, avril lavigne, a name thing from when I was a baby, another tye dyed wall thing, and a dog poster...its my sisters room.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
Pugs shimmy

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
I think "hehe I stole this quiz"

15: What is the last film you saw?:
Empire Records

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
A new reliable vehicle

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I have hairy legs

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or
politics, what would you do?:
Kill the stupid people.

19: Do you like to dance?:
When no one is looking.

20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nut case or some one who is finally
doing something that has needed to be done for years?:
nut case...yes...a nut case puppet

21(a): Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Abigayle Bliss

21(b): Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Gabriel Orion

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
Definately

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
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I have one important thing I have to say...Pugsley shimmied for me! hehehe. It was hilarious! We were listening to "Are you gonna be my girl" on the radio and I was dancing cause I had so much energy from being stuck in the house all day and Pugs started dancin goofy with me and then...yes...then he shimmied. HAHAHAHAHA! ok. So today I bought a new pair of pants! They were twenty dollars BUT they can be pants or capri's...they are totally awesome...and I had a horrible birthday so I deserve it. They are cute. WOW...SNL is crazy. I'm gonna go watch. hehe.

ok...so its been a few days...I thought that the other day was bad but thursday topped the worst day ever day and took its place...and it was my birthday. But I don't want to go into all of that. I am good now. I got the nicest note and flowers from the most amazing, wonderful person in the world and he made everything go away...well almost. I still get sad sometimes but not like before...I actually went out tonight and had loads of fun. I love the muse and...hell I don't know what wickkett calls her...but yeah they are great fun all together. I made the mistake of opening my mouth to wickkett and the other two about a secret...bad idea...now they have schemed together and are going to torture me ;) It's ok...I won't lie...I'm kind of excited. Maybe something nice will come of it all...or maybe nothing at all...I really don't care right now...it isn't important...but it would be happy I think. I think I have the bestest best friends in the world...but like wickkett pointed out to me...I have a lot of friends...I never really thought about it because they are so spread out. Memphis to cleveland to chicago to las vegas...everywhere they are...I don't get to see them or talk to them much but when I do they are still just as amazing and wonderful as before. I love having friends. I think...I hope...everything will stay good...I don't plan on it but with the way I have felt today for the most part I think things are looking up. Maybe pregnancy wont be so aweful once I get and stay happy. I hope this is the beginning of it. I don't want a relapse. Today wickkett, my brother (we will call him pugsley but we won't tell him that we are calling him pugsley) and I went shopping. It was great. Wickkett got her piercing and pugsley asked her if they shaved her nose hairs to do it cause he knew they shaved the hair to give a tatoo. Had to have been the funniest shit in the world. Good stuff really. I love my pugsley...when he is being nice and not a "badass" or whatever. a teenager. I know I am still a teenager but I don't feel like one. I feel old. I feel like I should be in my upper twenties. Sad really. Maybe not. Ok...it's late. I'm rambling on about nothing. I will go now and write later....when I wake up or something...or something probably. :)

Had the worst day ever today. Aaron's mom called with some of her manipulative BS...talked to Aaron about it and it got sorted out...at least as much as it will. Bullshit really. I am almost positive he is seeing someone now and it kills me. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore...always has something to do when I call. I've been to wal-mart everyday this past week and had to go today...it wasn't too horrible except for the fact that at the time I was extremely pissed about what Aaron had said to his mom and all that. When we got home iwas bringing mom up backwards on the ramp...the ramp is a metal ramp with a piece of wood over it...I have to tip mom backwards to get her up it...well the screen door wasnt all the way open and her wheel got kinda stuck so I pushed her down the ramp a bit and in doing so I slipped and fell on my ass and mom came back with me...she landed back down with her foot and stumpy up in the air...if this wasn't bad enough, when I tried to lift her up I slid some more on the ramp like it was a slide...the wood part...i got splinters in my ass. It sucked. Hardcore sucks. Funny as hell though. Mom and I both almost peed ourselves. After that the day was all shot to hell. I spent most of it being an emotional pregnant woman crying constantly. That was until Wickkett called and scared the hell outta me. Asked me to go to her parents with her...they made it sound scary so of course I went. We got there and they had a killer surprise for her. It's awesome! AND...they gave momma a puppy for a present! He is the cutest ugly little doggy in the world. I love him! He is so sweet and sleeping in my bed right now. To add to the badness of the day...the dog peed on me in the car on the way home. I forgave him because he is so sweet. let's see...what else...I still don't have a job...i'm broke...No apartment...life sucks and I am sick of it. ok. well that's all I have.

Probably the most beautiful depressing song to me right now.

I Guess I'm Doing Fine By Beck
There's a blue bird at my window
I can't hear the songs he sings
All the jewels in heaven
They don't look the same to me

I just wades the tides that turned
Till I learn to leave the past behind

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

All the battlements are empty
And the moon is laying low
Yellow roses in the graveyard
Got no time to watch them grow

Now I bade a friend farewell
I can do whatever pleases me

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

Press my face up to the window
To see how warm it is inside
See the things that I've been missing
Missing all the time

It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine

You are a Siren. More adventurous than all with a
voice like no other you sit on warm rocks and
sing to the moon and sea. Yet sometimes
shipwrecks find you and raving men want you.
You are a bottle of talent and power. What the
unknown is you seek to find, and a lover. You
have the moon and stars as freinds. There are a
very few of you, what a rare find. Will you
rate my quiz, I think your voice in just
beautiful?


What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
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